Dear Reader;

            No! what a word?! To a small child the word no can be devastating, and to a dreamer? It can be crushing.  This tiny little word is so important.  It teaches boundaries, physical and emotional.  The word No helps safeguard us and protect our own mental health.  It can also be used to bring those that have been riding on the clouds a bit too long, down to the very hard ground, to a reality check.  No is powerful.  No can also be very hurtful.  Learning how to use the word no effectively is one skill that most of us never learn, yet so much can be gained from it.  The word no can be the key to the balance that we seek in life, and even to open doors we did not know existed. 

            Growing up we often heard no from our parents, and with each no came the desire to challenge, to learn.  Sometimes we got away with challenging them, but more often than not we learned a lesson.  Either way, we might have tried again.  Then there where the times when we were the ones to say no.  We learned our own power with the use of the word no.  We also learned anger and impotence when our no was not taken seriously.  Think of consent and how a simple no makes all the difference.  “No, I don’t want to go”.  “No, I don’t need one”.  “No, I don’t feel like it”.  From pushy strangers to disregarding friends and family, we have said no many times in our lives, yet we still do not understand how to make the best use of the word.

            As adults we will need the word no at work, with strangers, with friends, with family, every single day!  We think that if we overuse the word no, if becomes less effective, and it may backfire.  We think we cannot always say no at work as it appears that we are not team players or that we are not willing to help.  We think we cannot always say no to invitations because then those invitations will stop coming.  We think that we cannot always say no to our children, they will become repressed and angry, they will inevitably rebel.  Well, maybe there is some true to that last part, haha!  But the truth is we do not owe anything to anyone.  Not a thing.  At work we are under a contractual agreement to do a job and be paid for it.  Anything more and we become the ones to pick up everyone’s slack.  If we do help out and then decide not to help, then we become the bad workers.  Our children will also benefit from a little lesson here and there on limits, consent, patience, and respecting a plain no.  Teaching them to say no and to respect no are both as important and valuable.  Setting limits with family that does not understand us or respects us is the healthiest thing we can do for ourselves and those familial relationships.  There is always a respectful no, followed by some space and decreased attention.  If that does not work, then its time to reconsider the value of the relationship versus our mental and emotional wellbeing.  We can break unhealthy generational patterns and begin anew.

            Now, I do not mean that we should always say no or that we should never do anything for anyone.  I am saying that we should not feel forced to act on anything, just as we should not force others.  We should respect our need for rest, our need for balance.  We should also respect ourselves and value our time.  If we do not take care to set limits, there will be non.   Time is the most valuable thing we have, it is limited, so we should make it count. No allows us to use our time for us and what matters most to us. And when we do say no, lets mean it.  Yes, is yes, no is no.  Maybe, at your own risk.