Hello World! I’m back! After going on hiatus for a while, I’m back to talk about what it’s like to be a full-time mom, full-time college student, and full-time caregiver. Last that I left off, Spring break was about to happen, I was still dealing with some Lupus symptoms, was trying to make sure my son’s crucial development was on track, and somehow survived passing all of my classes with the best possible grades. I’m happy to report that my Lupus symptoms have subsided, dare I even say- in remission. I met an amazing healer who has gotten me back the most normalcy that I’ve experienced in years! She’s a massage and physical therapist that has the most healing hands I’ve ever come into contact with. She’s also help create a great therapy regime for me at home, both physically, emotionally and mentally, it’s given me so much clarity and relief. Somewhere in the mix of all this, I’ve found a sort of balance between work, home, and school. It definitely has not been easy. But I’m glad to know that we’ve been able to push through any challenges.

As for my darling child, he is 4 years old now and getting ready to start Kindergarten in September. Can you believe it? I truly cannot fathom how time went by so quickly. Since he began going to the Lehman Learning Childcare Center, his development took off expediently. He did, however, miss pre-k on account of his birthday falls during a weird school-age timeline. I felt at the time of application that he wasn’t ready for it. Of course over the summer, he grew so much so fast, that by September, I thought we should try. But that’s not what happened. He was put on a waiting list and that was that. So kindergarten here we come! 

Now that I’ve given an update on what has been, let’s talk about the current times. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that the world has been on lockdown because of the Coronavirus aka COVID-19 pandemic. Pandemic, a word I thought I would never use to describe the present-day condition of the outside. But here we are. The biggest challenge that has taken over me is the lack of focus I have being home. I thought being on the go all the time was difficult, but sheesh! This is a different kind of beast.

Staying put with a 4-year-old and an 81-year old (my beloved father) all day long can be just as exhausting. My son is active all day long, from the moment he wakes until I’m wrestling him into bed. As much as I have tried to keep a schedule and routine here at home, it has not been easy. Home is where we let loose, where we play, where we sit back and relax. How do I transform our home space into a school setting? And how do you go from fun mommy to strict teacher with way more rules? For a 4-year-old, that transition is difficult to understand. Since the Outside is currently closed and we can’t visit with friends, how in the world do I help my only child manage these dramatic changes? My only reprieve is that my son has continued to spend time at his father’s home. So honestly, it is a relief for to know that he can have extra stretching space.

This experience has shown me two very important things. Firstly, I love teachers more than I could have ever imagined and will support them in a much greater capacity than I did prior. Secondly, I now am 100% certain that teaching early childhood education is not for me and will actively seek to teach upper grades. Trying to teach my son how to write letters has made me question my ability to teach and parent altogether. When did basic things become such a battle? As a single parent, you must realize how important a village is when raising children. Teachers are included in that village. Oftentimes, especially as children, there’s things we learn better from others and not necessarily from our parents. I’ve known that throughout my life, but now it’s just me and my kid. How do I give him what he needs knowing he may receive it better from others?

It’s a scary time to be a single parent trying to prepare your child for the start of his academic life. What has helped me the most is being creative. Although sometimes that jar also runs low, it takes a constant creative trick to keep him going. At this point, it’s doing what I can and praying for the best. 

Talking about doing the best I can, well that falls the opposite for my own academic success. Ever since this pandemic has begun, it’s thrown me for a complete loop. I cannot complete one assignment without the never-ending interruptions in my household. And my four-year-old is not all to blame, even though I do attend to him all day long, I am also my father’s caregiver. I attend to his needs as well. Cleaning, cooking, conversation, and safe entertainment between him and his grandchild. It’s takes alot of energy to keep up with these two.

I miss Lehman campus more than I could have ever thought possible. Hours to just sit and tune out with nothing but my breakfast and my schoolwork. That was bliss! For my household, in particular, trying to sit for an hour is just not possible unless it’s late at night when everyone’s gone to sleep. Which by then I try to do my readings, writing doesn’t get very far because my mind has usually already turned off. Not to mention, my father is very traditional (old country mentally), which means all lights need to be off after a certain time. My attention should be strictly on my son and on household details. That’s definitely a real battle for between my father and I.

Don’t get me wrong, I love taking care of my household. It brings me joy to be the caretaker of my small little family. But it’s also not an ideal mentally to have when I have finally made it to my last semester of college, and the world has decided to just cancel everything except the work I have yet to turn in. It makes me miss my glorious village. Not just the teachers, but friends who would help look after my son, my son’s friends who he never bored of. I miss having my dad on a scheduled routine. Albeit our apartment is clean pretty much every day, everything was just much more productive. 

Productivity has such a different look now and it’s taken me some time to realize that, to get into this new rhythm and dare I say new norm. We all don’t know what New York will look like after the lockdown other than we will have over 10,000 fewer people with us. We have yet to grieve and mourn those we’ve lost. Just as fast that this deadly virus came and overtook our nation, I expect to be just as overwhelmed once things attempt to return to some kind of normalcy. There’s so much to take in all at once.

These last few months have definitely changed me and have shown me how important community is and that my pursuit of being healthy has never been more crucial! But let me also say this, while the world has been held hostage over a deadly virus, it’s ok and still valid that I have been overwhelmed with all the aspects of my life. Yes, having an only child shouldn’t be a complaint, but when you are their only playmate, everything else about your life gets tossed aside. Yes, I live with a parent so I’m not totally alone, but keeping him safe and well has been a priority that has increased in its severity.

Being isolated takes a toll on the mind and body, but if you didn’t know, I’ve come way too far to be defeated now. So what more can I say? We’re all struggling, we’re all separated, we’re all miserable but not too miserable because there’s people dying in masses every day over this thing that’s completely taken over our entire lives! We just gotta hold on somehow, right? Yeah, I’m right there with ya. Until the next time, stay safe, be well, and thanks for taking this journey with me.

P.S Thank God for writing because this post is probably the most writing I’ve done in a month and a half and that’s probably because my son isn’t home and my dad is patiently waiting for me to attend to him. Peace Out!