I’ve been watching a lot of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and if you’re unfamiliar with the show, then allow me to explain it’s course. Five people own a bar in South Philly and get themselves into wild shenanigans each episode, which is often based around something topical, lending themselves to being called satirical, and each person tries to scheme themselves into or out of something. And although the five people are “friends”, they constantly argue, fight and give each other shit, as friends tend to do. 

Now, the shit that these people give each other is far more severe and dramatized than what should be accepted between friends, or even between any two people. These people are constantly causing great distress to everyone around them and breaking several laws every episode. They should all be in jail for a long, long time.

However, the more I watch this show, the more I realize that this show has helped me understand something about myself and my life. Something that has always plagued me, although I’ve never really been able to diagnose it before. 

Perhaps that’s not the right way of looking at it, calling it a plague. But nonetheless, watching these degenerates in Philadelphia has given me insight into a happening that is consistent in my life. 

I don’t quite know how to banter, fight, or stand steady and hold my ground when met with resistance from a significant source. Unlike the Gang in Philadelphia, I do not fight when something or someone significant imposes on me. 

I add the significant portion, because I realized thanks to a friend’s comment when I brought this up to him, that I am able to stand up for myself in some situations. And as I consider it further, I do banter and argue with friend’s to a degree. However, it’s up to a point. And when I asked said friend, how he’s able to fight back against people and aggressively banter, despite it also being against his nature, he told me 

I just run them down in my head and make myself think that I’m much better than them. 

When I thought about this, I realized that this is 

A. Unhealthy 

and 

B. Effective. 

When I thought about that comment more later on, I realized that although I don’t do the same thing, I am able to strike back at people when I feel confident around them. And I only feel confident around people I view as my peers and am not attached to by a significant tie that I value, on a desperate or intimate level. Perhaps this is because I neglect to create barriers among people that I don’t feel intimidated by. 

Nonetheless, this realization struck me at a vulnerable time in my life and I could not help but ask myself, how I can improve upon this? I do not wish to get pushed around by the things in life that I value. Not that I value authority, or those above me necessarily either. But I value consistency and being in control. Being bigger than me can change those things. And so can those I care about, if I say the wrong thing. So, I feel most in control by letting things go in these situations. 

So, with these types of situations, when confronted with resistance, I freeze up and hope to let it blow over, in order to keep things steady and think over the best course of action. This is faulty however, as there are many situations that require in the moment decision making and stance holding, and not fulfilling that does not give me much agency in the outcomes. 

Now, I’m not totally sure what to do with this information. When I complained to another friend about something regrading this, he told me

Listen you’re a good person don’t change for anyone.

Now, this was sweet and I appreciated it a lot. I appreciated so much that I held back my inclination to argue with him, in the favor of not changing is an objectively bad stance to hold. Because if you’re not adapting, then you’re not progressing. And if I’m not progressing, then I’m doing myself and those around me a disservice. 

So, progressing in this context, would be to grow a backbone and simply just not let significant people walk over me. However, that would require me to completely change my psychology, and there just isn’t a potion out there that allows us to rearrange our brain chemistry manually or redistribute attribute points that have been accumulated over time. This leaves me feeling somewhat disappointed and anxious. I wish life had cheat codes. 

However, it’s important to realize in the moments in front of the mountain of self-improvement, that we should not expect ourselves to leap thousands of feet in the air and land over the obstacle, comfortably and without broken legs. We have to take steps in order to reach our destination. And as long as we keep walking and find something to sustain us, we can make it there. Just keep walking. 

Or, we could also try a different approach. Perhaps this mountain deserves to be torn down, rather than walked over. Maybe then I just need to find the right components to concoct a mountain breaker, and the subsequent safety devices to protect myself from the explosion of jagged mountain pieces. Perhaps this hypothetical has been alive for too long. 

In conclusion. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia has shown me the way, and I have put myself on the path of not letting the burn control my destiny.