Our hands interlock

he twitches at the feel of my cold fingertips

& turns to look at me

I’m anemic&slimmer now, J.

He can sense my disappointment

because it lingers over our heads

like a cloudy sky that can’t figure out

whether it wants to cry yet or not &

 I hate being the girl that’s never

satisfied & I hate that he asks me

Why is it that everything I do is never

enough for you?

I surprisingly stay shut.

Enough. I want it to be Enough for me more than

you want it to be Enough, J.

Eventually

he stops trying.

His calls & texts get lost in the air

& the sound of his voice only sounds familiar

in my dreams where I am intoxicated

by his love & his PB&J breath that I love so much &

we share a freezing glass of milk & my hands aren’t as cold

but I fall into Alice’s black hole in the ground wondering why he didn’t even try to reach

for my hand… he didn’t even try to catch me. I wake up with my right leg

hanging off my bed & the soles of my feet are touching the cold white floor.

______________________________________ 

Dream Journal Entry: 06

He’s no Romeo but I am sure that I am Juliet.

I am sure I am willing to die

for my man

just not this man

who I can’t feel warm next to

unless it’s in a dream.

___________________________________________________________

            Misunderstood and unsatisfied are the two words I’d use to describe this stage of adulthood. I call it “The Beginning of the Beginning” because I literally just entered adulthood. My stanzas shift from side to side to convey when I’m describing a moment (left), my thoughts (right), and how things turn out which end up being the most intense part to me (middle). The only line in italics on the right side of the page is what I actually say to the person I write about.

            I’ve grown very fond of analyzing my dreams and nightmares. The only problem is I never really remember them, the crazier the dream is, the faster I forget the details. I keep a dream journal next to my bed so when I wake up in a fright, in the middle of the night, I can jot down the details. After rereading my poem a few times, I realized I have a tendency to romanticize very tragic stories like Romeo & Juliet and Alice in the Wonderland… my Venus is in Leo. This means my romantic side can be very idealistic at times and I value passion which can often just seem like I am just attracted to drama hence the stories I am attracted to. This may help readers better understand my writing and why I include certain things in my poems. Thank you so much for reading!