Hello kittens~ Hope you’re all doing well on this Monday and are ready for another mental health Mondays blog! This week we are discussing a topic that affects both sexes but mainly focuses on males. The topic: toxic masculinity. I’m sure most of you at one point have heard this terminology but for those who may not know what it means, I think it’s best to clarify its meaning. According to an article in the New York Times by Maya Salam, “Toxic masculinity is what can come of teaching boys that they can’t express emotion openly; that they have to be “tough all the time”; that anything other than that makes them “feminine” or weak.” I’ve definitely heard the phrases “man up” or “don’t be a p****”, these are ways that the toxicity of hypermasculinity permeate and pollute the impressionable minds, particularly young boys during the years in which they are developing and beginning to understand the world around them. Hypermasculinity, according to Encyclopedia Britannica is a “sociological term denoting exaggerated forms of masculinity, virility, and physicality.” Toxic masculinity and hypermasculinity really go hand in hand while living and feeding off of each other in order to perpetuate the detrimental societal standard for men. There is a barrage of imagery and figures that embody these two very loaded terms and there is a clear struggle which has negative effects on the mental health of the men who are affected and those who fall victim to the hypermasculine violence that is birthed from toxic masculinity and hypermasculinity.  

“A study co-authored by a Michigan State University sociologist found that men who endorse hegemonic ideals of masculinity — or “toxic masculinity” — can become socially isolated as they age, impacting their health, well-being and overall happiness,” as stated in MSUToday in an article entitled “Toxic masculinity is unsafe… for men”. There is definitely a strong societal expectation for men to be stoic, strong, and even cruel sometimes in this world. Softness in males is something I have noticed becoming more acceptable in some groups but in many others it is reviled and seen as weakness or a means to question someone’s sexual preference, as if that were something to measure someone’s worth or manliness. It seems as though men follow this expectation and as an effect they isolate themselves which can lead to poor mental health. If a man’s worth is measured in how many tears he doesn’t shed, how many women he sleeps with, and how much he can bench at the gym, would this even be a fair world for men to live in? Not really, because each man has a different background, preference, personality, and body. That pressure that exists on men can be monumental and that’s why it’s important that there be figures that break this mold.

In an interview with Trevor Noah, Terry Crews talked about how toxic masculinity affected his life. He talked about how he turned into the man that no one wanted to be around because of his controlling and angry behavior. He thought this was how he was supposed to be. He realized later on in his life that he was displaying and expressing harmful behavior that was hurting those around him. He felt he needed to write a whole book on the topic of toxic masculinity, which is exactly what he did, surprising his publishers who thought he would produce the typical celebrity autobiography. If one was to look at Terry Crews without knowing about his character in Brooklyn 99 or who he actually is in present day then one might think that he was your typical macho man who might be the epitome of what a man should aspire to be. But when he speaks, you hear the gentleness, you see how through his experiences he has softened, learned, and grown. He’s changed into what I personally think a man should truly aspire to be, which is a person who acknowledges when they’ve done harm and wrong then changes for the better for themselves and the people they love. 

I can’t really be the spokesperson for men because I am a woman, but I will say this, I believe that the reign of toxic masculinity will come to an end in due time, with the involvement of men displaying sensitivity, sympathy, and softness. It’s okay for men to cry. To hug. To feel. It’s okay to also be strong but not to insult those who are not able bodied and not as fit as a model. It’s okay to be silent but not to ignore and dismiss others’ feelings, shyness is okay too. It’s okay to be sexual but it is not okay to use women as sexual conquests and it is definitely not okay to harass women or show them violence. Men need to be educated on these things in order for there to be change. Only then can society truly shift toward the right direction.

Stay soft, stay sweet, my kittens.

Resources:

1. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/22/us/toxic-masculinity.html

2. https://www.britannica.com/topic/hypermasculinity 

3. https://msutoday.msu.edu/news/2020/toxic-masculinity-is-unsafe-for-men/ 

4. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7f1HVFpRPI