i was 7 when i watched

Kids 1995 for the 1st time-

thought it was porn

so i covered my eyes

i was 14 when i watched

Kids 1995 for the 2nd time-

cried so hard b/c i wanted to

be someone’s darcy sooo

bad

i would have preferred an eternity

rather than just 1 day of telly’s attention

i wanted someone to daydream

about me

messily eating a piece of watermelon

at a family bbq

the crying after the crying

occurred b/c i knew i lived in

a world full of telly’s

& didn’t want to get my heart

broken by-

a telly

that summer i watched

Kids 1995 so many times

i cried as i consoled jennie

after the doctor told her

she was HIV+

 pressed my greasy forehead

against hers

& guess the mixture of our

 tears+hope+hurt= FUCK TELLY

my brown eyes fell into her blues

as our teeth rattled as we shivered

in that over-air-conditioned

office room

by the end of july i had memorized

the Kids 1995 movie script

& lana del rey’s hum was my

background music

as i manipulated my baby hairs

to scream 90’s aesthetic

& i knew i had that summer

time sadness

cause i kept skateboarding

up&down

theboydownstair’s hallway

cause i kept rollin into

his apt. door & i was crashing in love

with my very own telly who was

too busy trying to bleach his

heavy Spanish accent

cause he hated how

the other hicks at school yelled,

“STRAIGHT OFF THE BOAT”

at him as they passed him

 in the hallways

that entire school year

i was 18 when i learned

there was a way to go on

without telly & the worst thing

i ever did was romanticize

the idea of being his darcy

for eternity

_____________________________________________________________ 

         The movie, Kids 1995, is a prominent film made in New York City-based on a group of teenagers that are lost in a culture of gangs, violence, drugs, and sex. The main character, Telly has an addiction to sleeping with virgins and virgins only. Telly loves virgins because he feels there is no need to use protection, he says, “Condoms don’t work. They either break, or they slip off, or they make your dick shrink. Nah, but you still gotta use em, yo. At least I did once.” Throughout the movie, he uses his charm, lies, and manipulation to sleep with as many virgins as he can. Another one of his most famous quotes is, “But like, if you deflower a girl man, man, you’re the man. No one can ever do that again. You’re the only one. No one, no one, has the power to do that again.” The thrill of deflowering a girl is what motivates Telly to do everything he can to deflower his next victim, Darcy all while not being aware that he is HIV positive. One of his past flings, Jennie finds out she is also HIV positive while only having one sexual partner, Telly. She spends the entire movie trying to reach Telly to tell him the news but reaches him when he already accomplished his goal of deflowering Darcy. 

        This movie has been one of my favorites since I was about 14 years old. It’s hard to watch because of how disappointing the story ends, but it was a huge wake-up call for me. I was around the same age as the characters and this made me think twice before doing anything dumb teenagers do. I created a very strong bond with this movie and became emotionally tied to the female characters who were left in the dust and never called back after they gave Telly what he wanted. I knew that I did not want someone who treated girls like Telly did but ended up falling in love with someone who had a Telly mindset. We live and we learn!